Willing
Am I willing?
That was the question on my heart this weekend. Am I willing and if I am to what degree? It reminds me of Green Eggs & Ham, Sam asked the man if he liked green eggs and ham, the man did not, the story proceeds with Sam questioning him further okay you don't like green eggs and ham here, but how about in a box, how about with a fox... I'm sure you remember the rest. Well that was me this weekend:
"Madison are you willing?"
"Yes."
"Well what if this was required are you still willing?"
A bit slower, "yes."
"Ok and here if I brought you here are you willing?"
Only a nod this time.
And so the questioning went on until I came to see that really I wasn't willing at all, unless it was on my terms. And Christianity lived out on one's own terms is not Christianity.
What was holding me back? Why was I unwilling? In a word it was: DREAMS.
I may be a girl who likes to plan but I am also a girl who likes to dream. I have many dreams that I hope will one day come true. Dreams of marriage, of family, of a home filled with kiddo laughter and scents of cinnamon... And too often I find myself clutching on to them like they are priceless jewels. As if I am the only one who could possible see to it that they are fulfilled and in the way I imagine. This is not the proper way to handle such things.
Dreams are funny, we delight in them and hope for them but in our own hands they can become dangerous or worse they can become tools used against us. The proper way to handle dreams is to give them to God. In His hands they are secure. Who better to care for the things of your heart then the one who created you, who loved you even while you were a sinner, who has perfect plans for you. If you want to base it upon track records whose is better? I know the decisions I have made on my own never quite turn out as I planned and often lead to lessons learned the hard way, where as God's decisions and will for my life have always been perfect. His ways do not fail nor do they lead to despair.
I long to live an extraordinary life. One full of adventure and impossibilities. I was not created for ordinary, truth be told no Christian was. We were created to be lights to shine for the glory of God. Our lives are not meant to be explained in our own effort but in God's. Lives like that give Him all the glory. But they can't be lived if we are tightly holding on to them. God asks for everything. That is what the exchange is, we give up our old selves (Romans 6:3-4) in fact that old self is crucified and we take on Christ (Galatians 2:20)!
And so the question of willingness. Was I willing? I had been wrestling with it. My wrestling being a sign of my lack of trust in God. (He above all is trustworthy for He is faithful and true.) Was I willing? In light of the cross and in light of the blood of Christ and in light of His love how could I not be? And yet still I found my self wrestling until there was a point, that I came to. A realization. I can't live an extraordinary life apart from God. I can't live at all apart from God. A life lived out in my own effort would be miserably normal and predictable. Am I willing? YES!
This was how I entered church yesterday, confident in God and His plan for my life. Equally confident in my own inability to live the life He has called me to without Him. And in perfect harmony with what was being worked into my heart God responded with a message titled "The Covenanters." It was about covenant, about the covenant I had made with Jesus (my soul's husband), it was about the covenant of marriage, it was about the covenant between David and Jonathan (...the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 1 Samuel 18:1b). Covenant it is exchanging something in return for something else. And the communion we took was a reaffirming of that covenant, my body in exchange for Jesus, my blood (all that my life is on my own) in exchange for His (and all He is).
Jesus will ask us for everything, but He gives us everything that could possibly matter in return: Himself! What a beautiful promise.
The dreams that had been holding me back only moments before were laid before Him. I may not see (that is faith) but I know my God and in light of Him all of my dreams fall short. With open hands I gave them to Him. And the question of willingness no longer plagued me. My answer is yes.
Psalm 34:22 "The Lord redeemeth the soul of His servants: and none of them that trust in Him shall be desolate."
That was the question on my heart this weekend. Am I willing and if I am to what degree? It reminds me of Green Eggs & Ham, Sam asked the man if he liked green eggs and ham, the man did not, the story proceeds with Sam questioning him further okay you don't like green eggs and ham here, but how about in a box, how about with a fox... I'm sure you remember the rest. Well that was me this weekend:
"Madison are you willing?"
"Yes."
"Well what if this was required are you still willing?"
A bit slower, "yes."
"Ok and here if I brought you here are you willing?"
Only a nod this time.
And so the questioning went on until I came to see that really I wasn't willing at all, unless it was on my terms. And Christianity lived out on one's own terms is not Christianity.
What was holding me back? Why was I unwilling? In a word it was: DREAMS.
I may be a girl who likes to plan but I am also a girl who likes to dream. I have many dreams that I hope will one day come true. Dreams of marriage, of family, of a home filled with kiddo laughter and scents of cinnamon... And too often I find myself clutching on to them like they are priceless jewels. As if I am the only one who could possible see to it that they are fulfilled and in the way I imagine. This is not the proper way to handle such things.
Dreams are funny, we delight in them and hope for them but in our own hands they can become dangerous or worse they can become tools used against us. The proper way to handle dreams is to give them to God. In His hands they are secure. Who better to care for the things of your heart then the one who created you, who loved you even while you were a sinner, who has perfect plans for you. If you want to base it upon track records whose is better? I know the decisions I have made on my own never quite turn out as I planned and often lead to lessons learned the hard way, where as God's decisions and will for my life have always been perfect. His ways do not fail nor do they lead to despair.
I long to live an extraordinary life. One full of adventure and impossibilities. I was not created for ordinary, truth be told no Christian was. We were created to be lights to shine for the glory of God. Our lives are not meant to be explained in our own effort but in God's. Lives like that give Him all the glory. But they can't be lived if we are tightly holding on to them. God asks for everything. That is what the exchange is, we give up our old selves (Romans 6:3-4) in fact that old self is crucified and we take on Christ (Galatians 2:20)!
And so the question of willingness. Was I willing? I had been wrestling with it. My wrestling being a sign of my lack of trust in God. (He above all is trustworthy for He is faithful and true.) Was I willing? In light of the cross and in light of the blood of Christ and in light of His love how could I not be? And yet still I found my self wrestling until there was a point, that I came to. A realization. I can't live an extraordinary life apart from God. I can't live at all apart from God. A life lived out in my own effort would be miserably normal and predictable. Am I willing? YES!
This was how I entered church yesterday, confident in God and His plan for my life. Equally confident in my own inability to live the life He has called me to without Him. And in perfect harmony with what was being worked into my heart God responded with a message titled "The Covenanters." It was about covenant, about the covenant I had made with Jesus (my soul's husband), it was about the covenant of marriage, it was about the covenant between David and Jonathan (...the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 1 Samuel 18:1b). Covenant it is exchanging something in return for something else. And the communion we took was a reaffirming of that covenant, my body in exchange for Jesus, my blood (all that my life is on my own) in exchange for His (and all He is).
Jesus will ask us for everything, but He gives us everything that could possibly matter in return: Himself! What a beautiful promise.
The dreams that had been holding me back only moments before were laid before Him. I may not see (that is faith) but I know my God and in light of Him all of my dreams fall short. With open hands I gave them to Him. And the question of willingness no longer plagued me. My answer is yes.
Psalm 34:22 "The Lord redeemeth the soul of His servants: and none of them that trust in Him shall be desolate."
