Letter to a Bride
I wrote this letter to a friend of mine who was getting married a while ago and thought I would share it here (though the name has been removed out of consideration for privacy). I wanted to share it because as I look back I need the truth this letter contains more now than ever, it is a beautiful reminder to those who are already married and encouragement to those soon to be married.
Dear Friend,
I
have been meaning to write this for a while now, but time seems to always be
fleeting (a very tricky thing to catch time); so now my prayer is that you will
open your e-mail today and read this and be blessed. If not I pray it blesses
you when you do get a chance to read it.
It’s
the day before your wedding and everything can seem so frantic, last minute
details to get in place, family and friends already starting to gather, plus
the elephant sized butterflies that have taken residence in your stomach and
make their presence known every chance they get. At my rehearsal (which was on
a Friday) we had the septic guys show up to our house because our bathrooms
stopped working on the eve of when they needed to be working the most! We had
over 100 people planning to show up at my parent’s house for the wedding the
next day, needless to say crazy things happen. And yet despite all the
craziness the day of my wedding arrived and I was flooded with such
supernatural peace, whose origin could have only been from the Lord. (During
big events I tend to get quite frantic as I rush around making sure everything
is done.) I remember waking up and to find Casey and Brett in my house. Casey
was tearing apart the toilet in our bathroom to get it to work properly and
Brett was trying to get all of the sound equipment set up. And yet despite the
business around me I had peace. I went and sat quietly on the porch and read
the word (Psalm 45, a psalm of loves). All of this to say rest assured the Lord
will give you peace tomorrow, he will calm your heart, he will gently speak to
your soul. (I highly recommend
setting time aside tomorrow to sneak away and spend with your King.)
I
also know that you have a close relationship with your family, so do I; it’s a
beautiful thing. While my wedding day was the most wonderful day that is ranked
with only a handful of days in my life that have been truly heaven born (the
day of my salvation, the day of Isaac’s birth…), it was also a hard day. It
meant leaving my family and cleaving to someone that I loved, but someone I
still was getting to know. You see I had 26 years with my family. Twenty- six
years of laughter and tears, of them seeing me at my most vulnerable, of knowing
all my flaws and past sins and current struggles, things I had not allowed
anyone else to see. Twenty -six years cements you to someone else. (So does
Twenty- one years.) But let me assure you of something while you do leave your
family and now cling to your husband submitting unto him, and while the
relationship with your family will take on a slightly new look, the closeness
of that bond is never lost and in fact I feel it has only gotten sweeter. The
Lord is good in keeping such things.
Now since you are getting married
tomorrow!!!! I bet you are just beaming at the thought, joy spreading from the
top of your head to the tips of your toes. I wanted to share some wisdom and
advice with you. Before I got married I was an avid reader, I read all types of
books on marriage, and preparing to be married, I listened to sermons on
family… plus I had an amazing example in my Stepmom of what a wife should be.
You too have an amazing example of a wife in your mom. I hope this encourages
you and lifts you up.
Your
wedding day will be among the most cherished days of your life, the day you are
joined to the one whom your souls loves; it is a taste of what is to come
between the Lord and his bride (us)! And while it will be dear to you, it is
only one day and the life that you now build with your beloved will become far
sweeter. I have only been married a year (a grain of sand on a vast beach) and
yet I in that time I have come to know and love my husband more now than I
could have possibly loved him on the day we got married. (Funny how on that day
my heart felt like it could have burst with the love I had for him.) You will
climb the highest of mountains together where times are sweet and can’t seem to
get any better and you will endure the lowest of valleys where all seems dark
and very hard, those are the times that will knit you even closer together
because you will come out the other side seeing you have weathered the storm
and made it. There is something about battling together (which as Christians we
are called to do, there is a war) fighting alongside one another that draws you
closer, the more battles you fight the more you will see that. Speak to someone
who has been married for years and they will tell you the same. After the birth
of Isaac I felt a new strength to the relationship Dustin and I have and new
level of love like no other. We travailed together and came through it, and
while it was hard it was amazing! I know we don’t necessarily like to think
about hard times (we secretly hope everything will always be good) but it is
the hard times that grow us stronger, that refine us, that serve two heavenly
purposes to strengthen your marriage and the bond you two will share and to
prepare you as the bride of Christ making you ready for a wedding yet to come. Don’t fear the hard times, taking from
the example of my parents who have faced much adversity over the years and have
been made strong through it God has never failed them. (Proverbs 31:21 She is
not afraid of snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with
scarlet.)
Proverbs
has such encouragement to wives if you have not already, I exhort you to go and
read all the passages on being a wife found there and also those in 1
Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5:22-24, 33, Colossians 3:18 Titus 2:3-5, 1 Peter
3:1-6, the book of Ruth is wonderful. They are balm to my soul and also great
encouragement; not to mention convicting at times. Especially Titus where at
the end of a list of things the older women are to instruct the younger women
in it says “that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Meaning that if I fail to
do the things the word has instructed me in particularly in this passage I am
liable to be labeled a blasphemer, God Forbid. Take heart if God has called you
he will also equip you to do what he has called you to. (1 Thessalonians 5:24)
Tomorrow
a transformation will happen, no longer will you be a single
woman serving God, you will become a married woman, a servant
of God, helpmeet to your husband. This is by far the most amazing calling and
responsibility God could give to us, next of course being that of motherhood.
You were perfectly created with strengths and weaknesses for your husband to help him
in all of his earthly pursuits (i.e. work, raising a family…) and all of his
heavenly (also work, raising a family, ministry…). Together as one you will
find the Lord refining you both making you fit for his Kingdom till on that
final day, which only he knows you will be utterly changed and bear only his
image. Don’t worry I am confidant this is a life’s work, and praise the Lord
that it is. (Philippians 1:6)
The
life of a wife is one of self -sacrifice, it is one of denial, it is one of
amazing blessing, and great joy. I am exciting you are entering in to such an
honored position. Rest in the fact
that no two wives are the same, just as no two husbands are, and no two
marriages are so comparison with others is futile. Keep your eyes fixed on
Jesus and all will be right, though sometimes it may not seem it that is where
faith comes in and walking by it instead of sight. (Philippians 3:13-14) Your
greatest ministry, your greatest work will be that of your husband and your
children. You will be an anchor in your home. While Jesus is the center, a wife
creates an atmosphere, a tone and it can be one of joy and strength or it can
be one of frustration and selfishness. Leaning on your own reserves will only
lead to frustration I know from experience, so I exhort you always lean on
Jesus, he is all sufficient. In times of misunderstanding, tiredness,
disagreement and a whole host of other emotions that threaten our peace he is
enough and he will give a peace and joy not of this earth. Cling to him. And in the good times,
the loving times, the bouncing up and down on the bed with joy times always
rejoice with him! (Psalm 16:11)
A
quote from J.R. Miller who wrote a book called Homemaking in 1882 said this,” A
good wife is Heaven’s last best gift to man, his angel and minster of graces
innumerable, his gem of many virtues, her voice his sweetest music, her smiles
his brightest day, her kiss the guardian of his innocence, her arms the pale of
his safety, the balm of his health, the sure balsam of his life, her industry
his surest wealth, her economy his safest steward, her lips his faithful
counselor, her bosom the softest pillow of his cares, and her prayers the
ablest advocate of Heaven’s blessing on his head.”
You
were created for your husband, just as the bride was created for Jesus. He is your
purpose in life hence the word helpmeet, that when the world looks in at you
they see how the bride of Christ is to one day be (Eph. 5:32 one of the many
mysteries of God revealed.) Seek to do him good all your days (I know you
will). And fiercely protect what is yours, for there are many that seek to
destroy what God has built, but once again I firmly say GOD FORBID. (Proverbs
14:1) Be thankful, be joyful, seek a merry heart all your days, be confident in
what the Lord has equipped you to do.
Jim Elliot said, “ We should love
hard, and not casually, fervently, playfully, and simply, never heavily or
slowly. Slovenly loving makes for wearisome living…If you ever love, love like
a school girl with giggles and sighs, and keep love alive by consciously
keeping wonder and surprise at the core of it… I have not found it hard, but I
have found that love is not effortless. It needs control and direction.” Love
is not just a feeling it is a series of decisions and actions everyday (1
Corinthians 13) I choose to love. During the courtship it is as if love is a
blazing fire almost to much to control; and in marriage the flame is still hot,
but instead of a something blazing and uncontrolled it becomes a steady
constant fire like on found in a fireplace, it brings warmth and comfort, it
still excites us and casts a romantic glow on the things around us, but if we
are not careful to feed it with more fuel it will grow dim. Some of Dustin and
I’s favorite times now are those almost mundane moments of just being together
at home, of cooking Sunday breakfast together while listening to worship music,
cleaning the house, or just sitting on the couch together. In our busy life
those tend to be our favorite moments just living together. I know you and your husband will love those times too.
So as I see the length of my letter
and yet feel I could go on and on I will stop for now. Please know that I am
lifting you up in prayer, tomorrow will be absolutely amazing.!!!! The Lord
will see you through each step and will pour his blessing out upon you. I love
you! Remember you are your husbands good thing (Prov 18:22).
Madison
